Well, today is Friday and my week off of work is almost over. Jaelynn has been in the world now for 4 days. My emotions and feelings are all over the place and I still have to keep it together for their sake. I can’t break down, can’t allow myself to fall apart. Holding everything together is making me into a boiling pot of water and I am about to spill over.
There is a stronge desire to run away, escape, or leave. Go somewhere quiet and peaceful. A place where I can breathe. No more suffocation. No more worry. No more stress and drama. A quiet and safe haven to allow my muse take over, transporting me into another realm, far far away from reality.
But I don’t run away. I don’t let my muse kidnap me. I stay, chained to the wall of responsibility and duty. Forced to endure the torment and torture that worry, stress, and depression inflict upon me repeatedly.
I wonder how this can be living? Is it worth it to live if life is not happy. You always hear lay your own pavement to happiness, and I really want to do that. But I am not allowed to do that.
If I make my own happiness, it will also brand me selfish, unresponsible, and a horrible soul.
So I ask again, what is the point?